Many of you readers have written me asking for more information on the sign of Aquarius and in particular on Aquarius men. I suspect it is the influence of Neptune transiting the constellation Aquarius and seeking clarity that is bringing forth calls for understanding of the inner workings and outward behaviors of Aquarius men. Remember, you CAN find love no matter what your sign. Arrange an astrology consultation with me on your love life and I will help you see the open door and the key to making things work. Please feel free to post any questions or thoughts you have. And so, by popular request….
The Aquarius Man
The Social Butterfly Everyone Likes
The Aquarius male is a seemingly unconventional and innovative flirt who can charm those around him. Liking to surprise others, he is unhappy if he feels his freedom is being diminished. He believes his way of doing anything is the most superior way. His ego is not out in the open like a Leo, but it is as big as that of a Leo. He can be very argumentative, liking to debate things or fabricate WILD untrue stories just to irritate others and to show off what he believes to be his superior intellect. The best strategy, most times, is to laughingly feign belief in and shock at his wild story and go along with it, asking questions etc.
Appearing to be an open-minded person, he can be willing to explore unlimited horizons within limit, so long as it fits his idea of fairness or does not make him stand out in a negative way in his community.
But remember this: in any relationship with an unevolved and immature Aquarius male, he can coolly and quickly sacrifice your name and reputation or let you suffer in some way if he thinks standing by your side will make the public at large dislike him. Yes, he can throw you to the wolves. A lack of compassion and empathy for other people comes naturally to the Aquarius male.
The Aquarius male is very obstinate and will hold to a position or opinion unless he 1) is confronted with the fact that it is unfair or inhumane or 2) realizes he is being unfair or inhumane. Sometimes he merely likes to see if he can “wind up” someone by resisting whatever they ask.
He has trouble coping with individual relationships because they require him to be authentic on a deep level. He is a great social butterfly and loves a party where he can eat, drink and be merry on a superficial level. If lacking in maturity, he may be so unconscious of his behavior that he gets himself mentally wound up in fear of being alone with you and show up an hour or more late to meet you, and then only to cancel. Let him…and then do not make another appointment with him nor allow him to make one unless he states upfront that he will make the time for it.
This man typically is not classically attractive but can be, as in actor Paul Newman. But, if he has strong Aquarius energy or an Aquarius Ascendant, he can have bucked, crooked and broken teeth, a large nose with a bump in it, droopy eyelids/sleepy eyes, and a long neck and a long face like Ichabod Crane and this quirky physical appearance will somehow be somewhat attractive. It will be especially attractive, of course, to a woman who has a tendency to fall for unusual looking men. As with all Aquarius’ they need to watch out for injuries to the calves and ankles.
Due to innate insecurities and fears of not being competent, loved and accepted, they maintain a wall of defense, not allowing even someone they like or love to get too close. In close relationships, conflicts naturally occur – but this closeness does not get to occur with the Aquarius male. He would rather make a joke of things and begin talking about another topic to escape dealing with any topic which may cause emotions to be expressed. He will label emotional expression as “illogical”, “unnecessary” and “irrational”. He commonly will label YOU as “illogical”, “irrational” or “unreasonable” for expressing emotions. He is then likely to walk out of the room and refuse to discuss the topic at hand.
When he is angry, the Aquarius male will not yell or otherwise obviously show it. Instead, he will become very MEAN and say mean/cruel things that he knows or thinks will hurt you, with a glib smile. Then he will airily say he needs to go, and leave the room or hang up the telephone. He is also quite capable of doing something very mean to you out of anger.Aquarius males like to talk about honesty and truth but it is always their truth and their version of honesty that is important. They can be quick to label you as dishonest or say that you do not know or speak the truth. This is also because they are by nature distrustful. This also means you must be wary of the Aquarius penchant for lying—lying done with a glib smile and intellectual air.The Aquarius male tends to approach sex intellectually. He is awkward and uncomfortable about expressing his love through physical gestures. Actual physical sex may not occur for a very long time in a relationship with an Aquarius male. He likes to talk about fantasies and desires and share thoughts with a lover. He is inherently curious and so when sex finally occurs, he likes to experiment creatively between the sheets. They appreciate a confident sex partner.
It is when you are an outstanding (prominent or unusual) individual that he will notice you. He will want to hitch his wagon to your star. The Aquarius male likes to collect “friends” who he may call friends but even after many years are only acquaintances, even if he accompanies them on short trips or camping, picnics with them, lets them stay in his home or has dinner with them once a month or so. He is merely being sociable. He prefers being alone in his home with his quirks that he thinks others will not accept from him. If he likes you, you are one of the MANY people he has generally befriended and that is not necessarily a bad thing as he can make such people feel they are receiving special attention from him.
Aquarius Men and Relationships (Does He Like/Love You?)
The Aquarius male knows clearly who he is NOT attracted to and would never consider as a marriage partner. If the Aquarius male DOES NOT like you romantically and you persist in trying to get into his life, do not be surprised if his rejection is so cold and clear you can feel the icicles forming on your face.
This is what happened to one Leo woman who spent five years trying to manipulate heaven, earth, and many people, all in an attempt to coerce an Aquarius male into marriage. She based their relationship on gossiping, maligning, criticizing and doing devious acts of harassment to a woman the Aquarius male shied away from. After nearly five years of this behavior, Ms. Leo made yet another annual trip to the city where Mr. Aquarius lived, in hopes of marriage. She was turning 30 and feeling desperate about marriage and hoped he would start dating her and marry her. She got the shock and humiliation of her life because Mr. Aquarius decided enough was enough. He knew all along Ms. Leo was not the kind of woman he wanted to be connected to as a partner, nor did he want to introduce her to his family. He coldly and clearly told her that he would never date her and never marry her. The biggest shocker was that Mr. Aquarius let Ms. Leo know that the woman she had been maligning and harassing all those years was the woman who had had his mind and heart the entire time!
Here is the key Aquarius male trait, especially where it concerns women: he behaves in the exact opposite way that he is feeling inside. You see it is when the Aquarius male likes you way too much (as in, falling in love with you) that he has noticed you clearly and separated you from the crowd in his mind and heart. This means he has found you to be intellectually, emotionally (!!) and physically someone he desires.
Does this mean the Aquarius male will romance you? Not naturally!! In fact, because he has fallen in love with you he will likely cancel or forget or show up ridiculously late for appointments you have made for 1-1 activities (such as dinner). He will prefer public and group gatherings and at those he is prone to ignore you, not talk to you yet talk to everyone else, flirt with other women, and he is likely to tell his male buddies reasons why he does not trust you, and why he seemingly avoids you. But when no one else is looking, he is watching YOU at the party or other social event. He is collecting information on what significant people think of you. If you are a woman who is extroverted, gregarious, smiling, popular, intelligent and attractive (especially if you are of a different ethnicity, nationality, unusual in dress or appearance etc) he is following you around the room and at other times he has his ears open for any news about you. He is filing it all away in his mind because he wants to be able to “surprise” you with all the information he has gathered about you.
However, this is not a two-way street with the Aquarius male. He likes to “know” you but does not want you to know him or anything about him. If you let him know that you know anything about him he will make jokes, laugh, deny, and change the subject, especially desiring to turn it back to a discussion about you and what he thinks he “knows” about you.
In intimate relationships, they are not very intimate. Aquarius males are great with the future and progressive thinking, but not so good the past. This is because 99% of Aquarius males have a paternal (father) situation where their father was absent from home a lot, abusive, alcoholic or a drug addict, commonly known for having sexual affairs and a cold, empty marriage with the mother, and as a result the Aquarius male never received guidance and instruction on being a warm and loving man in general and especially not with a woman. They feel “different”, sometimes to the point of weirdness and other times to the point of egoism (superiority). At the base of it is deep insecurity and fear at not being competent, loved and not being accepted. He grows up feeling inside that he cannot express himself in an intimate loving relationship with another individual…so he opts for focusing on the masses.
Because of the fear of intimacy of a 1-1 daily relationship with a woman, the Aquarius male is very likely to move his girlfriend or family to a foreign country where he has social and professional advantage and can spend more time in the company of others than with her; OR he may look for or create a job in another country so that he is not home very often. It would not be unlikely for him to justify having sexual affairs while he is working overseas. It is not uncommon to find a marriage involving an Aquarius husband where the wife only sees him a few days a month to attend a cocktail party or a Sunday family dinner (to keep up appearances!)
Sex and the Aquarius Man
It is not usual to find an Aquarius man in his 30s who, despite all his “man about town” charm is a sexual virgin, and well, emotionally too!. He resists getting intimate because he has reached adulthood and doesn’t know what to do sexually. His big ego doesn’t want to risk being criticized or laughed at during an attempt at sexual intimacy, so he would rather put it off as long as possible. He also seeks to avoid having to be emotionally intimate, with goes along with lovemaking. Undergirding that, he isn’t necessarily out to do a “wham bam thank you ma’am” and hurt you. He simply, at 31, is more like a 13 year-old boy who would rather cooly suppress his sexual desire for a woman have a sex life consisting solely of masturbation, rather than risk what he fears could be could be humiliation. Thus, when he does finally overcome fear and connect with a woman emotionally and sexually, it is a serious commitment to him.
When an Aquarius man ignores you, ignore him in return. He will get the message that if he wants to connect with you he must be mature and fair by acknowledging and talking with you. At that point, if you want to deal with this man any more, explain to him privately that he needs to relate better to you and lower his guard.
He is in his head often and spends a lot of time alone. When there is a conflict or potential for one he can run away, or at least say he needs to go for a (long…hours long) walk or ride alone. Leave him along and let him have his solitude. When he returns he will be in a much better mood, having resolved things in his mind and decided that things will be fine.
The Aquarius man can be particularly emotionally cold, verbally mean and quite selfish. They will quickly and cheerfully do something for others, as long as it has no impact on their life. If still very stuck in their ego and immature, they will strongly resist doing anything to help another person if it will mean a sacrifice of time, money or emotional commitment. This emotional abandonment can leave any woman he is in a relationship with feeling rather uncared for and she is likely to leave the Aquarius – which typically baffles the unevolved Aquarius male.
When he has become adult and evolved, the Aquarius man can move beyond these childish habits and be a superior intimate who is very committed (Aquarius is fixed energy). He will still ignore a woman he likes, at first, because he is shocked that he could care for one woman above all others. But once he lets his guard down, he will be an extremely considerate lover and best friend.
Marriage (and Divorce) with an Aquarius Male
The women that Aquarius men desire are complex, mysterious, unusual, intelligent, and usually very caring and emotionally warm (in opposition to him!!) even if cool on the outside. She must be a woman who is a fighter and can hold her ground. He may outwardly claim that he likes women who are unobtrusive, blend in with the crowd and everyone likes them, but in reality he likes the outstanding, feisty, dramatic woman whose inner life is a mystery, whose motives and moves are complex and mysterious and who cannot be controlled and tamed. This is also the woman with whom he will compete because he likes challenges with her, even though he innately feels he is dominant to her and/or superior in some way He wants to be the man who is partnered with the woman everyone else wants to get close to and call friend/lover/wife.Speaking of a wife, the Aquarius male is, especially in the late 20th/early 21st centuries, the man you will find shucking and jiving, ducking and covering, hiding and running from marriage. The sentence ‘I love you’ will take a few years of knowing each other to come from his mouth and but do not believe it unless he backs it up with a ring and a wedding date. If he is unevolved and immature he will lie or make up any excuse he can think of, to avoid those three words for as long as he can. The Aquarius male, more so than many others, can justify in his head having one or more extramarital sexual affairs, claiming it was not his intention or “it just happened” etc. The sexually and emotionally dishonest cheating of the unevolved and immature Aquarius male (selfish, mean, dishonest) can even be the cause of a divorce, but he will quietly refuse to be the person who files for the divorce, because he wants his partner to be the one to “look bad” in the eyes of family, mutual friends, and acquaintances by filing for divorce against the “good guy Aquarius”.
Commonly, even prior to the 20th/21st centuries, the Aquarius male frequently divorced many times, unable to commit to marriage due to his quirks and habits. In present times, the Aquarius male may is likely to be more conscious about his fear of commitment to another person and his fear that he will be forced to spend long amounts of time with one person. He will reach his late 20s sexually inexperienced and emotionally naive about relationships with women. Courting is a puzzle to him and he moves slowly. He usually looks for a female who is his best friend. He will coolly hide his feelings of jealousy, which he WILL feel because he tends to choose as his mate woman who has her own popularity and entourage, so to speak.
If you are a woman who chooses to give an Aquarius male your time and energy for a significant period of time, one day, he will realize that his friends are moving in together, marrying and having babies. Feeling left out of the crowd or that he must “get a clue” and solve the mystery of marriage (or more specifically) to solve the mystery of you and relating to you. He suddenly wakes up in his 30s and realizes there is one woman who knows him and yet still loves him; he recognizes he could lose the best thing that has ever have happened to him. He is amazed and still cannot understand everything about you, but he is intrigued and magnetically drawn to you. Of course he realizes there is no guarantee that you can be uncovered and solved, but he is stubborn enough to spend several decades married to you and delving into the mystery.
The Aquarius Male and Finances
As his female partner, you will never worry about money. The Aquarius male will always secure money, through work or investments. Co-ruled by Saturn (its classic ruler before Uranus was discovered), Aquarius may like to buy quirky items, BUT will be conservative about spending. When it comes to having too plan for life with a spouse or family, the Aquarius man will be one of the better men with finances. The best thing is to work out a partnership plan to determine how financial resources are to be shared and keep open channels of communication about money.
Do not be extravagant with money or he will feel deeply hurt that you squandered what he was trying to save for the two of you. He may make bad mistakes with finances as a young man but he will eventually correct himself. Having good finances is important to him and bad finances are a source of shame for him that he can tend to want to hide. Money affect what one can do in life and he wants to be financially free to live expansively. Sometimes he can be a tightwad and will need ot be reminded to loosen the purse strings and live a little more humanely. He can be very stingy on the extras if he feels there is not a lot of money in the family, but you will never lack for basics of having shelter, food, insurance, medical care and transportation.
He will support you if you work in an unusual profession or do not make a regular salary, as part of his Aquarius quirkiness. If your income is lower than his, he will pay the mortgage, food, insurances and utilities (things he would normally pay alone anyway) but expect to be able to trust you to you to handle the finances well and provide the non.financial care and nurturing that makes life abundant. He will have outbursts of generosity every now and then.
The Aquarius Male as Family Man
As a family man, Aquarius men tend, much like Leo males, to put great pride in the family and want it to appear healthy and happy to the world. This can be read as a tendency to want a traditional family life. They want sparkling, intelligent, industrious and socially graceful wives; healthy, happy, smart, productive children, and a home life that is secure and warm. You know a group of lions is call a “pride”, right? They tend to marry women with leonine characteristic, warm-hearted and generous, equally as proud of spouse, children and very protective of home, hearth and the family image. As fathers, most Aquarius males are patient with their children and encourage them to play and fantasize. They are particularly excellent at helping their children with mathematics and science homework.
The Aquarius man will be very reluctant to say so but in large part he married you so that he could have you around him all the time, loving and caring for him. He loves you, too, and hopes you know it. But do not let him get away with a cold reserve. Tell him he must start saying it aloud, even if only in private.
An Aquarius man seldom forgets his first love, the female who makes him feel special. Unless he has learned to embrace his warm (polar sign) Leo energy, he may not be so romantic, but every now and then, he comes up with such beautiful lines that you feel as if you are soaring in the sky. He will do the things that you tell him make you happy because he wants to see his wife smile and be joyful. Having a proud, happy and warm lioness around makes him a proud and happy man and gives him a place to express the emotions he needs to detach from in the outside world. His life becomes BALANCED.
He may fuss about celebrating his birthday, but he will get you red roses and jewelry on Valentine’s Day, find out your favorite flower and have a dozen delivered on your birthday and he will embrace your family. He will be ready for all the family holiday occasions with their meals, noise and general craziness. In the quiet of your alone time, or holding you close at a party and whispering in your ear, he will say something so meaningful to you that you can excuse his earlier neglect (remember his charm?).